Trying to absorb and learn from everything that has happened in the past week is beyond painful. Writing this post hurts too, and my hope is that it helps me sort through the mess.

I found out that Ray is a criminal He milked me for money, then held my plane hostage until I paid. I had a verbal estimate only – (I know, how stupid am I)? He did everything he could to add, add, and add to that estimate – and then when I said I had lost trust in him, and that I was taking the plane, he really upped the charges. I could pay or sue him. I decided that getting a lawyer would cost more, so I paid up, got my stuff and now I’m trying to find a way to move forward.

My life has been so privledged. I have been married for most of my adult life. Never did I fully appreciate all the perks of being a married woman. Married women hold a very different status than widows. Until now, I did not know this. Until now, I didn’t really understand.

What I DO know now is that I am a big, fat, target. There are people who prey on situations like mine: single, some money in the bank, and trusting. Throw in an airplane with an emotional attachment and Ka-Ching$!

Trusting people is my first instinct. They seem nice, legitimate, and I proceed. I live up to my end of the deal, and they are just finding a way to get my money into their bank account. I trust = I’m screwed, I’m out the money, and I need to move on. Bruised, battered and belittled.

Yes, it hurts bad. The feeling of being stupid is not one that I am very familiar. I don’t want to become familiar with this place – I refuse! Learning from this and never leaving myself open for it to happen again is what I can do to restore my self-trust. I’m not going to dwell in a pity party. I’m going to move forward stronger, resiliant and wise.

I think of how Scott would respond to this situation. He would be mighty disappointed in me. It would hurt him to see me hurt. He did, many times say, “….and I love you anyway” – which he would now too. Knowing this will help me put the pain behind me. Love wins.